The light goes out

I quiver
As I come here
After a half year
It feels like I had forgotten you
Pushed you somewhere
In the back of my sphere
Like an unwanted page of my life
Not wanting to open the pages
There is too much dark
Too much pain
Concealed within

What was I to know?
All the dark and the pain
Was always there
Within
I had put layers on it
Of distraction

The fever striped it all
It was so powerful
Not just physical
Showing me the dark
The pain
The life I was trying to hold and create
In my face

I feel knots in my stomach
I feel fear in my body
I feel sick and pukey
And like I can poop anytime

To realize that the lights
have dimmed in my life
And I was resisting it
Not acknowledging it

Maybe the real work begins now
How do I explain to him

I come back here
To Express
I have nowhere else

Q