Where do I express

4 months
I still feel the pain
As real and live and fresh
It stays with me every day
20 hours a day
I get a break sometimes when I sleep
I get a break sometimes when I watch
I get a break sometimes when I meet
Otherwise it is with me
As a part of me
Why am I not getting rid of it
Why is it sitting in my stomach
Why does it zing my head day in and out

I am getting consumed by it
This hate and anger and bitterness
I feel great bitterness towards her now
Something I had not felt in the last few months
Why is the bitterness increasing
Why do I feel hate towards them

How long will I live consumed like this
When will I move on
People say forgive
At what point
When
Only when u feel fine
I can't pretend to forgive

I pretend to be strong
I pretend to be fine
Who wants a crying baby around
But my head shakes in my sleep and when I am awake
There is a weight on it
There is pain in it
It does not go away

I can't call anyone and break down
I can't have anyone take it away
I suffer alone
We are all alone