Am I a joke?

I have to dig
I have to ask
Then I am told
I think of her
I shag on her
I fantasize on her
Then why me ?
What am I ?
Am I a Joke?
Because I stayed
Because I did not go
Am I someone u can toss around
So easy to say
I have no control
I listen
I deal with it daily
Sometimesc calmly
Sometimes in anger
 the inadequency I feel
every time u do what u do
But I have to deal with it
If I want to be with you
Thats th e price I pay for being with u
It is so casual for u
to just say I have no control
How ?
Is it all so easy
On a daily basis
to buture me like this
U reach out
go out
Do your thing
Meet people
I am here
All alone
crying in my bed
Night after night
as u shag night after night
I feel like a joke ?
Am I a joke ?